Next Gen

Gemini season:    for learning 

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Foodie Foodie To The Max!

W/ever u r going through in this life, eat! The angel of the LORD came back a second time and touched him and said, "Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you." So he got up and ate... #amala #norights #Thursday pic.twitter.com/wvXrHxEpRH

— Uduakobong A. (@UddyAnny) November 24, 2022

Nigeria Food Industry: Developing the Gastronomy Sector  

I don wake ooo 😹😹@Zlatan_Ibile @sydneytalker1 #amala pic.twitter.com/0rEoriwBa6

— Olawalemiaremu (@okoiyamosun03) November 17, 2022

There is something enduring about Yoruba culture. Consider that slaves were taken from all over Africa, but only Yoruba slaves kept their culture intact. In Cuba and Brazil, they speak flawless Yoruba. They eat ewa ati rice pelu dodo. And still dobale to parents!#RenosNuggets

— Reno Omokri (@renoomokri) June 4, 2022

DJ🐝JORDAN
Dodo ati rice song HOUSED😂
Song by MIKE OKRI "wisdom "
E N J O Y ! ! ! ! pic.twitter.com/IBdacB5nMx

— DJ BEE-JORDAN (@djbeejordan) March 18, 2017

Proudly Ekiti
Iyan lounje
Oka logun pic.twitter.com/25KE5LMk2h

— Phoenix (@QueenMandla_) January 1, 2022

“The Milkmaid” is inspired by the striking image of two Fulani milkmaids depicted on the Nigerian Ten Naira bill. This image shows the empowered women who are a significant part of dairy production in their regions. #themilkmaidmovie https://t.co/h0ec8zAZhW pic.twitter.com/QL0QdCJmpR

— Imam Anas (@itz_imaam) August 13, 2019

Suya inside foil paper. God forbid bad thing. Shey Guardian abi Thisday newspaper don finish ni?
Very soon, they will be putting suya inside bowl. Eko ti gbagbakugba 😡

— Lola Okunrin (@lollypeezle) November 12, 2021

Hahahahaha, when they start to bastardize the foood.

Eating pounded yam with fork and knife etc etc 

Another commandment in my mind sha, is that just as women were 'empowered' to do all the work and nobody disturbed them, let women be empowered to collect the money in the updated food (abi na gastronomique) industry. That's all.

Ok, let's talk about food.  

Periwinkle.  Okhazi.  

Eba.  Banga.  Tuwo.  Garri, straight up.  

Mango.  Pineapple past, present, and future.  

Small chops.  Fried rice.  ...  Aadun.  Gurudi.  Agbalumo.  

... everything nice. 

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Business help for artists - should you work with a rep?

I'm a writer.  I can't really deal with 'the business side.'  Many artists face the same: need to focus on their craft and find an external solution to the need for sales, marketing, and things to do with making money.  That's what this really fabulous and short MuddyColors.com article is about: 

Some Pros and Cons To Working With A Rep

 ** SHARE THIS WITH THE STARVING ARTIST IN YOUR LIFE **

Together, we will work this out. 
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Really simple inventions

Let's talk about zippers and fasteners, glues and dyes:  

This Japanese company is 80 years old and makes half the zippers on earth.

  Velcro was invented by an engineer fascinated at how plant parts got stuck to his clothes and his dog's fur.  One side is smooth VELvet, the other has CROtchet hooks - get it?

Dyes: the colour in the world's products

The idea for Post-It's came to a scientist in church - on the one hand his page-markers kept falling out of his hymn book, on the other hand there was an adhesive that was too weak to use as a reliable glue, he put them together and made a great success! 

Some questions:
How does one learn to pay attention i.e. to be creative?
Where are the opportunities for invention in our environment now - in the kitchen, at the office, through the window, on a website, in answer to a personal request? 
Where/when is the money - this year, next year, never, forever - and the desire to follow-through on good ideas? 

Book an appointment/seminar today :)

Six Questions with musician Le'mmon

Le'mmon may be (just) under-30 but he is already an accomplished vocalist, songwriter, and producer.  With his silky smooth voice, fun-but-mature themes, and classic R&B aesthetic, this Nigeria-based musical artiste may just become one of your favourite.

Twitter: @lemmonchukwu

A brief history of Le'mmon: A true Lagosian, born to an Igbo father and Yoruba mother.  Real name Vincent Osuagwu.  A former church boy, was in the choir at eight.  Won Most Creative Student In Art award in school.  Le'mmon is notable for stubbornly producing different flavours of Rhythm and Blues music throughout the 21st century.  He will make you listen! 

Listen to Vintage Le'mmon.  I love That's All.

Q1: If you couldn't be a musician...
I would still be in the art world. Fine arts.  Or maybe military.

Q2: Best and worst things about your job?
Imagine a world without music!  The best thing is that my work touches people's lives everyday.
Also, music is a profession, so personal growth and career satisfaction are the other best things about my job.

Live at the Civic Center

The worst thing, however, is that in Nigeria there isn't enough support - opportunities, mentoring, management, and resources - for talented artistes.  Nobody wants to build from scratch with a talented nobody... It's different overseas.
Also, instead of perceiving a newcomer as a source of inspiration and fresh ideas, most established and successful artistes who ought to help these newcomers see them as a threat and in turn refuse any call for help.

Past EP projects: Rejected By All, Heart On Paper, and more. I have two dozen Le'mmon tracks and keep discovering more.

Q3: Studio Rat or Stage Bunny?  Lol.
 I consider myself more of a studio rat because it's a world that knows no limit in terms of creativity and production especially in this part of the world where we don't have the best technology for stage/analog production.

Q4: Tell us about the album...
 I have no album for now but I'm putting out a mixtape titled #10,000hours in early or mid 2015 which is a compilation of carefully selected songs showing my prowess as a songwriter, producer and a sound engineer from the start to the present.

Coming soon: #10000HOURS

Q5: Your top 5 artistes? 

John Lennon  

because of how he'd make a song so simple with his lyrics and he was a rule breaker and therefore changed music without knowing he was. 

Fela Kuti  

for stamping it hard on musicians especially from Africa and Nigeria  that music knows no language.

Frank Sinatra 

for his timeless voice and "never give up" spirit through his rejected times coming up as a back up vocalist.

2face idibia 

for being a great source of inspiration to Nigerian artiste who celebrate his longevity and ability to move along trend as they change over the years in the industry.
Robin Thicke 

for his strong will to succeed in a pop-dominated music industry that saw him work hard for 17yrs before he got his big break with the hit song "lost without you"

  

Q6: Three rules you live by? 
Mom, Music, Money and in that order too..it's self explanatory..those are the things I devote my heart to and love as I grow as a person...They keep me grounded...

Listen to Le'mmon Heart On Paper

Preview Le'mmon 10,000 Hours

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"Do these things right, and you have a chance to reach business nirvana ...INNOVATION" - Google Chair

This is how google works: 

How Google Works - by Schmidt and Rosenberg (click for more SLIDES)

Good ideas aren’t restricted to the people with the most experience or seniority. In fact, some of the best ones come from unexpected places. The smartest thing a leader can do when it comes to idea generation is adopt as open a posture as possible. This means encouraging people across the company to speak up with suggestions and build demos of projects they think should be supported. It also means making it easy for people who use your product to send feedback and taking it seriously when you receive it. - (SOURCE) Jonathan Rosenberg, co-author with Eric Schmidt of How Google Works

My comments: COMPANY CULTURE MATTERS
BUSINESS-SCHOOL WISDOM IS OFTEN NONSENSE
CAPITALISM LIKES OPTIMISM AND AUDACIOUSNESS

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Tunnelling through on the back of the creative economy

Creative production is happening in Nigeria.  It is not highly organized and it is not well funded, both of which constraints are practically positive drivers of raw creativity.  But this movement is capturing the hearts of the youth who would otherwise be unemployed and frustrated.   I am proud of what I'm calling La Renaissance, you have to say that with a French accent folks :) 

Here's a thought: if we can do the arts so well, we can do science and invention and thought and all that too.  Think about it: Information is almost free, access to markets is practically equal worldwide, while on the other hand, the high levels of capital and investment and organization available in today's hubs (like top 100 universities or Silicon Valley companies) are NOT a requirement for thinking.

You can do mathematics without a fabulous supportive structure.  Grigori Perelman did.  Sure, no one will understand what you're doing with yourself or how you're ever going to make enough money to make a complex crowd-pleasing life.
I never said it was for everybody.
You can study online and work remotely on high-tech projects.  
At any rate, you can do literature without a fabulous structure - and there is some precedent for that.  If there is so much angst, then it means there is so much to write about, doesn't it?  

In fashion design, Nigeria rocks.   In pop music, I think nobody is producing better.  Not Korea, not America...  

We have a nominally large film industry but maybe not the message/mission and not the revenue to make it world-class. 

But...
We haven't scratched the surface in product design.  Environmental design.  Beautification and street art.  Performance art.  Architecture - and I don't mean just throwing cement and marble at the problem.  History.  Storytelling.  Cuisine.

We still have half the population stuck in the market and kitchen doing the same repetitive tasks half the day.  Why?

We are stuck in traffic when we should be working or playing, making or praying.  Why?

We don't make a lot of the products we claim to like - not cell phones, not luxury homes, not cars, not our expensive fake hair. 

We haven't cut out the hours and dollars spent on generators and fueling in this town.  At least for a start get an inverter?  Change the laws so that investment can proceed?  We are not inventing low-power devices.  We don't even really care to make things really, we think it is for the lowly among us.  We actually look down on our geniuses until they have the shiny car to show for it.  Wow. 

 We think Islam and Christianity are so different.  We don't know the North, if we live in the South of the country.  We don't know the Mainland, if we live on the Island in Lagos.  We still don't have a Metro public transportation link or a city plaza.  We don't want to be seen on public transportation. 

We give all our money to the politicians of the current day then throw them out and give all our (potential capital) to the next batch.  We have a Freedom of Information law but few who know how to use it.  We claim it's the president and cronies oppressing the people, but what I see choking us is self-repression, the need to please, class-mania, local-thinking, slavery of the mind.  I got my own issues too, it's not just you :) 

We want to care for our own children but screw over the next person's children?  We teach our children to not waste time dreaming, "success" is more important.  We still wear winter clothes as uniforms to work, lawyers still wear blonde wigs, and philosophy still starts with Aristotle.  We haven't created material based on our heritage.  We study entrepreneurship in a classroom, by cramming facts for a test.  We have schools that are only exciting to a few students while others dream everyday of escaping.  We have schools that can not afford to employ the best, since the best can get higher salaries and more social status elsewhere.  We have schools that make people want to go abroad.

We've got our fingers permanently stuck in pointing at God or the president who is to blame and who should fix this or fix that. We're so stuck on survival, and after survival is guaranteed we move on to excessive consumption because in our minds we're just poor.  While we're running this rat race, we don't care to leave an astounding legacy, we'll settle for a plate of rice thank you very much.  Uncle Barack once termed this a poverty of ambition. 

We have starved our minds for so long, that we actually fear the public servants of today's democracy as much as we feared the gun-toting generals of the eighties and nineties, and oops, even before that.  We don't say thank you when a governor does the right thing - we expect "him" to thank himself by helping himself to public funds.  We don't vote women into office, we say men should "rule" and women should assist.  I'm tired of female deputy governors, assistant council presidents, what's so wrong with women being authority figures?    We don't say thank you when a citizen does the right thing, we don't have time for that, but we have time for the one who can dash us money.  We have no time to contemplate the stars or to smell the flowers. 

But we have pop music.   By God, we do.  And maybe that can lead us into the future, at least by telling us our dreams.
Maybe Baby, it is just a thought:  

PLAY

Process thinking

I once worked in a place where things would often go wrong, and the question on the boss's lips would be "Who...?" as in "who did this?" "who was in charge of this..." so that the person would be in trouble and presumably the problem would go away.  

Engineering processes

As an engineer, I found this to be the most puzzling thing.  Why waste your time on such an irrelevant question as "who"?
Because the more important thing should be maybe "what" happened, and then "why" it happened, and then "why" that happened, and in that case you find yourself with the "root cause" which you can fix (along with the team, the who's that run the process) and then hopefully that issue would not crop up again.

Good engineers are lazy

 Along with the inclination to abuse the "stupid employees" was this baffling habit of designing stupid processes, ones that put a great deal of strain on the boss and the people, and that relied more on hard work than on intelligence, and still produced a high error rate in the results.
I think the missing knowledge was of something called Process Thinking.  Process thinking is important.  It will make you calmer, and make your work many times easier and your results a lot better.

Individual and society

So too in my country in Africa, we think relationships are key to everything.  In the name of basic relationships (what does my wife or my father think of me is the familiar question) we have institutionalized actions that harm self and harm the larger population too.
We think in small groups (I better pass my neighbour, God give me promotion) but ignore the self (does this make ME happy, can I sleep at night?) and ignore the whole too (is this the right thing to do, does it hurt somebody else?)
This mindset is understandable because we've come so recently from small worlds - small village, small ethnicity, small clan - but in the current world we all see that it doesn't produce very good outcomes.  Individuals are frustrated and the country is poor.  Working harder may not solve the problem.  Defeating your neighbour, "feeling rich", getting promoted, "achieving success" may not be the answer. 

Engineering systems

Even on the political front, have some not tried to solve our misidentified "leadership problem" by replacing people?  But we come to the realization that no, we must re-engineer systems instead.  We must fix a risk-reward system at the individual, group, and institutional level.  This is to say, we might think of a country or an economy as an abstract thing, or as an organism, or as a machine, in order to repair it. 

School for intelligence

This is why I respect a good engineering education.  It's one of those things that (hopefully) prepares you to understand systems (like the human body, the global economy, or the market for films) and processes (like the workflow at a branch office, the election of a president, the Arab spring).

a sketch of a helicopter by Leonardo da Vinci 500 years ago

A decade ago, I read that engineering was "the new liberal arts" degree. Along with whatever specific facts and knowledge it might give a student, it would develop his/her critical thinking, systems understanding, process thinking, and design ability.  Then also it should broaden knowledge of the world and importantly of self.  It is a good training for an uncertain job title in an interesting life. 

Cartoon showing laziness as the mama of invention

 Links for more learning
Lazy engineers: Unusual habits of good engineers
Process Thinking: It can make you happier at work and at home
Policy analysis: The Nigerian subsidy example, The technocracy example

Come in and play

I love @cc_Hub , aka the co-creation hub in Lagos.  I urge everyone to visit who thinks creating through IT is cool and wants to see it in action (or join the action.)  This is Yaba as a tech neighbourhood.

Click click click for a tour

Enterprise on the dumpsite

You have to watch Welcome to Lagos, a BBC documentary featuring several Lagosians (notably a dude named Vocal Slender) , the massive smell-site called Olusosun, and some amazing lessons on wealth.
Here:
Continued in Parts 1.2,  1.3, 1.4, 1.5, and 1.6

Apply Now

The British Council supported by Bank of Industry presents: 
Business training for Creative entrepreneurs 
taking place in Abuja and Lagos this October.


Download and complete the application form to apply.

Deadline: September 30th so apply immediately.
Cost: Free of charge.

OOPLF Art Contest

Click here to download the flyer

My sister

I like bragging about my siblings, and when it comes to Kunmi, I start her story with "she's been an artist since the day she was born."
Kunmi, the design queen, the multi-artist, Barcelona girl, is now doing Minku.

Beautiful bags, cases and purses.

All you single ladies...

The next (third) meeting of The Interface is slated for 9am-ish Saturday November 13 at TerraKulture on Tiamiyu Savage Street (near Bar Beach) in Victoria Island Lagos. I'm jes' saying, the guy:girl ratio is Caltech-high. The odds are good; while the goods are not even odd.
What is The Interface?

Creative Economy at The Interface

Last Saturday was the first meeting of The Interface, held in Victoria Island, Lagos. This is the kind of initiative (about solutions) that I can really get excited about. From their Facebook Page, The Interface is a business network forum and creative platform that is focused on setting the stage for engaging some of Nigeria's brightest minds. Every month guests are drawn from different professions and careers in cross fertilization conversations that will advance their individual enterprises and by extension our nation's economy.
It is essentially about integrating creativity, strategy, technology, ideas and the spirit of enterprise.

The resource persons were Pai Gamde, Uche Eze, Tolu Oloketuyi, Uche Nworah, and moi. The organisers were a group of betta Nigerians including Ferdinand Adimefe. The theme was Nigeria and Creative Economy. The audience was typically mid-late 20s and upward (or forward) mobile. It was a very valuable event for me and the forty or fifty other attendees (see the event at 234next.com), and if there's anything the organizers want to fix for next time, they say it's to have fewer resource persons at once because the wealth of information was just...plenty. I also think that next time the crowd will be at least double, so...

I can really say I learned a lot, from Uche Eze of the young company that produces BellaNaija for example, or from the Brand specialist and longtime online personality Uche Nworah. Pai Gamde gave us the expert HR context with a talk about expanding your comfort zone, while Tolu Oloketuyi gave a great expo about how his passion for discounting led him to the leading edge of ecommerce in Nigeria. His product (YPM) basically means that you're eligible for automatic discounts at many big shops in Nigeria when you pay with your plastic card. Most people didn't know that.

My slides from the event are here:
What Do You Read (clickable PDF slides or PowerPoint SlideShow)

What could be more inspiring?

NaNoWriMo (November)
National Novel Writing Month is a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to novel writing. Participants begin writing November 1. The goal is to write a 175-page (50,000-word) novel by midnight, November 30.
Valuing enthusiasm and perseverance over painstaking craft, NaNoWriMo is a novel-writing program for everyone who has thought fleetingly about writing a novel but has been scared away by the time and effort involved.
Because of the limited writing window, the ONLY thing that matters in NaNoWriMo is output. It's all about quantity, not quality. The kamikaze approach forces you to lower your expectations, take risks, and write on the fly. More at nanowrimo.org

FAWM (February)

February Album Writing Month

Write 14 songs in 29 days
What are you waiting for ... inspiration?
Want to join other songwriters in a fun, high-velocity learning experience? Challenge yourself to write 14 songs this February. At FAWM.ORG, songwriters can track their progress, choose to post MP3s and lyrics, be inspired by fellow participants, give and receive comments, and talk in the forums. More at fawm.org

Let's get manic.
Find an internet connection, quit normal life for a month, and join in. Tell us if you opt for this madness :) and tell us how it goes.

Do you know any more like this?

How aircraft are converted into spoons and pots

By Oyetunji Abioye

Published: Wednesday, 5 Mar 2008

That shiny aluminium pot sitting on your stove is probably much more travelled than you are. Indeed, it could have clocked thousands of kilometres flying to various destinations worldwide when it served a more high profile role as part of a commercial jetliner.

Skip to next paragraph

File

Aircraft being dismantled at the ‘graveyard’, Murtala Muhammed Airport, Lagos. Inset: pot and spoons

Just like other types of equipment, aircraft do not last forever. They must be grounded permanently one day either because they are no longer airworthy, after completing the maximum number of pressurisation cycles (take-off-flight-landing), which the airframe can take, or they are no longer economical to operate.

A typical Boeing 737 will fly 75,000 pressuriation cycles or 51,000 hours, which is equivalent to 20 years of active service. Bigger aircraft on long-haul routes, which experience relatively lower numbers pressurisation cycles, will last longer.

However, on retirement, such aircraft are confined to the “graveyard” or converted to other uses.

Investigations by our correspondent reveal that disused aircraft are sold as scrap to dealers who strip the usable parts for resale. They hack the aluminium airframe (body) to small pieces to be melted down for conversion to spoons, pots and industrial moulds for small-scale factories

A visit to the “graveyard” at the Murtala Mohammed International Airport in Lagos revealed a strange and tiresome, though lucrative operation dominated by a Filipino, who declined to reveal his name.

Labourers worked with axes in sweltering heat to deconstruct what was once several millions of dollars worth of technology.

Most of the aircraft that have been buried there belonged to Nigeria Airways. Others have the markings of ADC Airlines and other local carriers that had funding troubles.

A supervisor, who spoke on condition of anonymity said, “When we buy aircraft like this, we dismantle them, send the re-useable parts to overseas for re-certification and benchmarking (to see if they could be reused as spares on other airplanes), while the metal frames are sold to metal dealers who in turn sell them to local users that melt them down.

“Most of these frames, you are seeing being dismantled, after passing through series of processes, end up at the workshop of some local spoon and pot manufacturers, mostly in Sango Ota area of Ogun State.”

He said that when the serviceable parts had been removed, the metal frame would sell for between N1.2m and N1.5m.

The metal frame, is usually bought by some local dealers who engage labourers to help in dismantling them under the supervision of some aircraft technicians.

The pieces, according to the technician supervising the dismantling, are resold to sub-dealers, who in turn take them to either locally made furnace made by blacksmith or modern technology-built furnace owned by aluminium companies in the country for melting.

Interestingly, dealership market is principally controlled by a Filipino-Nigerian who in turn sells the dismantled aircraft to the sub-dealers who takes them to furnaces.

The Philipinos-Nigerian, who declined to mention his name, said his clients include businessmen from all over the country.

He added that some of the sub-dealers take them to modern furnaces where they would be melt and sold to sandalsmanufacturing companies owned by Chinese, Indian and Lebanese, which were mostly located in Ilasa and Matori in Lagos, and other parts of the country.

These companies, he said used the aluninium to manufacture moulds for sandals.

One of the workers with the Philipinos, who identified himself as Adamu said, a local furnace located behind the Gatan Kowa market, around Abule Egba area of Lagos was a centre where most local spoons and pots manufacture around Sango-Ota area come to buy melted crude aluminium ingots.

Traders also buy the ingots, which are sent to other parts of the country, especially Kano, while some are exported to Mali, Chad and other neigbouring countries.

Meanwhile, the Media Assistant, Chanchangi Airlines, Mr. Adamu Muhammed, said his organisation, in compliance with the current government fleet renewal policy, had decided to sell all its ageing aircraft, while new ones had been ordered. The first batch, he said would be due before March.

He, however, stated that, one of its old aircraft was sold about two years ago to an aluminium company in Kaduna for N500,000.

Mr. Warri Achurefe, an Air Traffic Controller, said while such disused aircraft were sometimes put in museums abroad, old aircraft had been converted to restaurants in France, Italy and South Africa.

The Director, Raztuns Company, Lagos, Mr. Ademigbuji Adetunji, a supplier of aluminium materials, said aircraft metal bodies were taken to aluminium companies in the country who posses the advanced technology furnace used in melting the dismantled aluminium frames into ingots

He said some of the ingots were also used for manufacturing baking pans for bakery owners.

He, however, explained that because of the presence of manganese and other alloys, it was not fit for other uses like window metal frames.

A large proportion of the aluminium frames are sold to smelters at the Gatan Kowa market, which is more known for used clothing.

A dealer, who identified himself as Idris, from Kebbi States, said he had been in the business since 1990. He said he had about three furnaces inside the a very expansive compound where all manners of activities were taking place.

A kilogramme of an aircraft frame, Idris says, sells for about N80, depending on whether it is Russian-made aircraft, which were usually made of pure metals. Frames made from a mixture of aluminium and fibre command a lower price.

Idris explained that after the frames are melted down and recast as ingots, they are sold for N140,000 per tonne.

He stated that sometimes, the dealers went as far as Delta State to purchase unserviceable aircraft for melting and resold.

He said that melting was always done in the night between 7pm and 7am, a period, which would be sufficient for the process to attain completion.

He revealed that the solid molten metals were bought by local pot and spoon manufacturers and some Indians who export them to their country.

Idris said that the amount they purchase the aircraft depend on the type, whether it was DC-10, or 737, 727 or others.

Mallam Abdulkaoje Bello, a dealer who resides at Abule Egba, said he had been in the business for long and he was always making profit from the venture.

Bello said he usually carried the molten metals to Sokoto to sell to local spoon and pot manufacturers.

FROM PUNCH NEWS

Remember the Two Cows jokes?

The ones about Corporations

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
(more...)

The ones about Governments

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows..
(more...)

There is Two Cows for Finance:

BOND MARKET: You have two cows. One is Brazilian, one is Australian. They yield 25 quarts of milk per day. That's half as much as three years ago, when you traded your less-lactiferous German and U.S. cows for them. You are thinking of swapping for a pair of Namibian cows. They only have three legs but, hey, they produce 26 quarts per day.
...
DERIVATIVES: You have two cows. You repackage five of them into a Collateralized Lactating Obligation, pay for a AAA credit rating, slice the CLO into 10 pieces and sell it to investors, skimming the cream from the milk for yourself. Three of the cows fall ill, and the credit rating plummets. You get to keep the cream.

INTEREST-RATE SWAPS: You have two cows. You pledge one of them to me as collateral in a swap for some of my pigs. I pledge the cow to my neighbor as collateral in a swap for some of his sheep. He pledges the cow to his cousin as collateral in a swap for some of his cousin's goats. Better pray the livestock market doesn't crash and we have to try and round up that cow.
(more...)

I like this basic one:

SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to someone else.
COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and gives you a share of the milk.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
NAZISM: You have two cows. The goverment takes both and shoots you.

Find A LOT more Two Cows madness at Uncyclopedia

Post a Comment: Write your own Two Cows poetry or share your favourite.

The Love of Hip Hop

My favorite moment in "South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut" this black chef in the army says "Have you ever heard of the Emancipation Proclamation?", and the General snaps back "err, I don't listen to Hip Hop."
I love it. I love it. Anyway, I don't listen to hip hop. For the most part. But I think these people are at least entertaining. Forgive me if you hate the site, say something if you like it...have a nice day. Peace.